How to Overcome A Toxic Workplace in Six Steps: 1-Self-Assessment

What does this mean? You should be observing, noting, and identifying behavioral patterns, when people are harassing you, and how they approach harassing you. Is it a specific employee coming to your desk when certain people are present or absent?

What does that tell you? I will give you an example. While working as a Customer Service Specialist at a fashion wholesaler, the Operations Manager would constantly say the following statement every time I made a mistake: "It's okay, you're pretty."

While it seems small, hearing this over and over began to frustrate me—and she saw that I was annoyed by it. The most important observation about this situation was that she would do this after the owners left at 3 PM or while she was hovering around my desk. At one point, she said it while talking to one of the building maintenance men. So she loved having an audience under specific circumstances, but mostly she waited until no one was around. This company only had five employees, and after 3 PM, it was just myself and the Operations Manager. As her remarks and digs continued, I became more frustrated, and guess what? I got upset one day, and she victimized herself and pretended she didn't understand what was happening. Now, in this environment, seniority and expertise played a huge role in what people got away with, so of course there were no consequences for her behavior.

Why am I telling you this story? Well, I can clearly identify why she would continue making digs—because she saw it was bothering me. And she wasn't wrong. My interactions with her were starting to affect my self-esteem which is why I was bothered.

The work experience I just shared with you is a great example of the first phase of the six-step system to transform your toxic work experience. How are you being affected by your toxic work environment? Not just after a recent incident—overall, how has this job changed you? You cannot talk about a future you deserve without acknowledging the misalignment between that and things you've temporarily accepted and normalized.

Are you angry all the time? Have you lost interest in anything you used to love doing? Do you vent about work all the time?

I did this a lot and It was intense coming out, so I can't imagine how intense it was on the receiving end. Have you been sleeping more or less? Do you find yourself binge-watching or engaging in escapism-type behavior longer than you should? How are you really doing? If you haven't taken the time to ask yourself (and don't worry; that's what happens—toxic jobs take up a lot of mental space), you should consider doing a self-assessment. I have created free self-assessment worksheets to help you do a deep dive into the impact you are experiencing because of this job. After you complete the worksheet you might be surprised about how much your toxic job has been affecting you. But I don't want you to worry or feel discouraged. We need to get an honest picture of our circumstances to build a solid plan to transform them. And you're not doing this alone—you have me as your toxic workplace ally to help.